First and foremost, I have to say that the office here would make an awesome level in James Bond. It’s a quiet three story office/library with lots of rooms, moving bookshelves, key-card access doors, hidden staircases and  cluttered cubicles. And the bathroom area looks exactly like the levels from N64 Goldeneye. It’s one of those things you have to see for yourself to appreciate. Sometimes I get carried away and think about the level in my head: exit through the locked door out to the basement, pick up a green box in the parking garage and set proximity mines in the bathroom. Then pick up an automatic and strafe up the windy stairs to the lobby, where security guards block the entrance to secret Amgen labs. I can only imagine where the level goes from there, but trust me when I say that if this were in fact a James Bond level from N64, it would put the others to shame.

Anyways, work has been relatively slow even though our team has some insurmountable projects to complete. It’s tough for me to get things done because I do several different projects under different supervisors, all of whom stay busy during the day and can’t alyways send the next task my way or help if I get stuck somewhere. One of the things I noticed is that at a big company like Amgen, productivity takes a back seat to bureaucracy and scheduling meetings on top of more meetings. Compared to homework or college life in general, where you spend every waking minute doing something, here it seems that  you spend more time talking and negotiating than actually getting to it. Maybe it’s just my gotta-stay-productive engineering mentality that notices how inefficient things seem to be. But in all honestly, I don’t mind the change of pace before Fall quarter fires up.

Speaking of which, I’m setting up for the best quarter of my life this Fall. With football season ahead, the new apartment finally setup, several familiar and new faces in BruinLife and really cool upperdivs scheduled, I absolutely can’t wait for school to start! I’m going to feel like big man on campus for a number of reasons, the most obvious of which is probably just seeing familiar faces everywhere I go. I figured this past year I averaged meeting a new person every day, which seems crazy but makes sense when you really think about it. Makes a fourty-thousand person campus seem like high school again.

Really though, I’m stoked for Fall. Like, fucking pumped.

Last week I was back home because of summer shutdown and enjoyed the stay. It’s a lot easier to stay busy and value time with friends when you know you won’t be back until Thanksgiving. Then again, I try to focus less on the actual time spent with friends and family and more on being able to hang out as if I was living at home. It’s a great feeling to chill with friends and pick up where we left off. Like they alwyays say, quality over quantity.

I jumped right back into the fast-paced summer with a Fourth of July party at a friend’s place in Paradise Cove in Malibu. That place is amazing for summer parties, since there’s a private beach and lots of other people there to make a great atmosphere. It reminded me of a California version of American Pie in a lot of ways, just meeting so many people and partaking in crazy shenanigans. It was really hot that day and we were bouncing between the beach and beach house from about 11 that morning to 1 at night. I came back exhausted, but didn’t notice because we had such a great time that day. At night we made s’mores by moonlight on the beach and it reminded me of our last BruinLife retreat in a similar setting. So many great things to remember and look forward to.

A few other things have been keeping me busy and will do for the next few months. Before shutdown we went to Magic Mountain and I finally got my much-needed dose of roller coasters. Earlier that week we went dancing in Agoura and just this past Wednesday saw LMFAO and The Far East Movement there. The concert was amazing but I wish there was an 18 and over rule because mostly everyone was a raucous-as-hell white high school kid from the valley. And I finally saw Transformers last night and enjoyed it, although I realized that was my first movie outing in 2009. This weekend Amgen is taking the interns paintballing and kayaking, although I had to sign up for the August kayak trip but am still excited for paintball. In a couple weeks we’re going to the Dodger game (coincidentally on Manny Ramirez bobblehead night) and having an intern hot dog eating contest. Then that Friday it’s off to Newport for editor’s retreat! I still haven’t been back to campus yet but Kevin and I will go most weekends after this one. I’m ashamed to say that I still haven’t seen our apartment but can’t wait to visit. That and recruiting for BruinLife at freshman orientation, I’ve been waiting to do this for so long! I spend so much time with BruinLife during the year that I practically think about it all day at work. It’s like being homesick, except in a week I return to Bruin territory.

I started looking at things to buy for my room next year, like furniture and electronics stuff online. Second paycheck came today so I ordered a nice 2.1 speaker set and a terabyte external hard drive that I’ve been waiting to get for a long time. It’s a thrill to finally be able to furnish your own place and even moreso to do it with your own money – it really forces you to take good care of those possessions. Now I’m looking into monitors so I can dual my laptop up and code like a pro. That and watch movies on a slightly bigger screen, of course. To cap it off I decided to put my “UCLA parking Only…Champions Made Here” sign on Marcus’s and my door. Can’t hardly wait.

I’m ditching lunch crew in a bit to hit the town with a coworker who graciously invited me to lunch. And yes, it’s most definitely casual Friday and life doesn’t get much better than this.

Summer days just sitting around but when the sun goes down, I’ll be ready to party
Aint nothing like them summer nights
Keep the top on drop while the girls looking hot, hit the volo and we just dont stop
Party until the morning light
Aint nothing like them summer nights

Lil’ Rob – “Summer Nights”

On a more technical note, I know both will do well at the NBA level. Darren will backup for Chris Paul on the New Orleans Hornets (21st pick) and Jrue joins the 76ers (17th pick). DC plays a complete game and has the unquestionable ability to quickly mature into a floor general like teammate CP3. It’s uncanny to watch highlights of these two players – they play very similar basketball.

DC(2): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw7Fzp-kjCA

CP3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5z-2SmHp58

For as inspiring as was following  Collison the past two years, it is disappointing to see Holiday go. I know there was a lot of pressure put on him because of Kevin Love’s unprecedented success and that fact that he played out of position this season (at shooting guard), but Jrue admitted to not liking Howland’s system and was a one-and-done from the day he signed with us. And that was our season, here and gone in a heartbeat. But at least we can admire from afar our sharp-dressed UCLA alum who stated, when asked if he would miss his alma mater: “Aw man..I will more than miss it. Just hearing that question, it gets me stuck answering it. It’s a great organization and a great staff. You can’t have anything better than being at UCLA for four years.” Well said, Darren.

I wrote a remake of Blink-182′s “Stay Together for the Kids” awhile ago but added some finishing touches after yesterday’s draft. I think it’s obvious I dwell on UCLA hoops too much, so the least I can do is make some sort of cultural contribution – here’s the original song for musical accompaniment to the new lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moidPfDvRic.

“Stay Together for the Bruins”

It’s hard to make up
For a team that can’t make the cut
They cannot rebound
It’s so pathetic
We just want Kevin Love
I don’t know what to say
The cheers rise then die away
If this Howland team, could still defend
I’d watch them every day

So here’s Jrue Holiday
Hope you enjoyed him this year
He’s drafted seventeenth
To Philly
So when this freshman’s gone
Will you remember this team, and number 21?
It’s his life

The fans, the Den, the cheers
Have been great for two whole years
Rather than watch on TV, rep DC’s jersey
At Pauley every game
Fans camp for several days
We’re so loyal why aren’t they?
If this is what Ben wants, and it’s what Jrue wants
Then what’s there left to gain?

So here’s Jrue Holiday
Hope you enjoyed him this year
He’s drafted seventeenth
To Philly
So when this freshman’s gone
Will you remember this team, and number 21?
It’s his life

So here’s Jrue Holiday
Hope you enjoyed him this year
He’s drafted seventeenth
To Philly
So when this freshman’s gone
Will you remember this team, and number 21?
It’s his life (x4)

Credits to Josh for helping me with the chorus a few months ago when we experimented with some of Blink’s lyrics. I think I speak for both of us when I say it’s frustrating rooting for a revolving door of a team. But we do it anyways, us Bruins always stay together. Thank you Darren, Josh, Alfred, and Jrue for another unforgettable season and good luck in all of your future endeavors.

So here’s your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you’re dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost.
It’s not right

Blink-182 – “Stay Together for the Kids”

It’s true, life gets better with every passing day. It goes without saying that sophomore year was the best of my life. Now a week into summer, I can finally stop to reminisce about it and plan for another amazing summer and year at UCLA. With so much to look forward to in my junior year, I can only hope it doesn’t go by as quickly as did this year. Unfortunately I’ll blink and be 21 already, looking back on the new “best year ever”.

Well, it’s now two weeks into my twenties and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Having a birthday during Spring finals is one of the most depressing things ever but at least it gives me more reason to celebrate when it’s over. Plus, I have a way of making the best of these situations. It was about this time two weeks ago when I was thinking of a way to squeeze some celebration out of a day I was sure to spend studying. Remembering the unforgettable surprise party that my friends threw for me on campus last year, I decided to continue the tradition of a midnight celebration on campus. It was a perfect night and can’t say enough how much the company of a great group of friends meant to me. Joey, Marcus, Josh, George,  Dennis, Stefan, Minh-Vu, Mike, and Kim – thanks for making my “midnight birthday” one to remember. Pictures to follow, I promise.

That night I decided to celebrate every birthday on campus at UCLA. Unless it’s physically impossible for me to be there, you can find me with my feet in Shapiro Fountain when the clock strikes midnight every June 7th. My only wish is that my friends can enjoy it with me. Birthday days are overrated anyways.

As far as I was concerned, that birthday ended once I hit the hay. The next day was nothing but cramming for finals and worrying about the epidemic sickness that spread through the Hill like wildfire. I would be spared until Thursday, when I woke up from a nap following my last final to feelings of nausea. I think the only way I was able to pack was thanks to some expired pain relievers, which worked wonders. It was bittersweet leaving our penthouse room behind, but knowing that next year’s apartment would be that much more fun made it easier. I’m going to miss my awesome RA’s Joey and Vivian the most since they’re graduating and on to bigger and better things. Congrats you two, thanks for an amazing year!

It’s funny how when my parents come to help move out I feel like a little kid being picked up from the best birthday party ever. It’s like being rudely awaken from a really good dream. Anyways, I was still stick and trying to coordinate some friends to help sell yearbooks at commencement since I couldn’t stay. They had my back though and for that I am eternally grateful for my BruinLife family. Thankfully I didn’t have to endure the awkward six hour drive back home since we only had to drive to Thousand Oaks. I have to admit every once in awhile it’s nice to talk to my parents about what’s new, but these days it seems like every conversation comes down to my parents talking about my sister’s college choices and my involvement with that whole debacle. I tried to make the most of that Saturday by looking forward to the new apartment and being away for the summer.

And what a summer it promises to be! I was thrown in head first beginning with Monday’s orientation and I’ve been busy between work and play and getting acquainted with the neighborhood. I’ve made lots of friends with other interns and have had the chance to meet several Amgen employees who are really enthusiastic about their jobs. Back on the home front, my roommate Kevin is really chill and we plan on taking this summer by storm. He lived in Westwood this past year so I’m counting on his expertise to keep me from defaulting to frozen food and staying inside all day. The way I see it, the sky’s the limit this summer because I can make as much of it as I want. Hopefully we can get back to Westwood on weekends – UCLA is so much fun when school isn’t in session (at least for me anyways). But for now, I’m enjoying getting used to apartment life and meeting new people. It’s a bit different lifestyle than I’m used to, but by the time summer is over I’m sure I’ll miss it. And by then it will be back to Westwood for a year that is sure to be – what’s the word? Legendary.

At first it seemed like I was selling my soul to the corporate world by committing every week of summer to fill-time work. I was planning on flying home for a few quick weekends until I learned about “summer shutdown”, Amgen’s no-work week before July 4th. I can’t wait to spend a solid week with my bros like we used to – that and a whole lot of catching up is in order. What’s nice (ok, really nice) is that the week is paid for interns as well. Dinner’s on me, fellas.

There’s nothing like June 21, the beginning of summer and the longest day of the year. Today I’m off to Magic Mountain with some Amgen buddies and kicking off the next 12 weeks with style. It’s only the beginning…of the best year I’m sure to have.

Baby you my everything you all I ever wanted
We can do it real big
Bigger then you ever done it
You be up on everything
Other girls ain’t never on it
I want this forever, I swear I can spend whatever on it

Cause she hold me down every time I hit her up
When I get right I promise that we gon live it up
She make me beg for it till she give it up
And I say the same thing every single time.

Drake – “Best I Ever Had”

Twenty years seems like a long time, but even after thinking about all the countless memories, experiences, and people that I have been blessed with over the years, it did go by in the blink of an eye. I’ll wake up tomorrow feeling the same as I did this morning – except perhaps more nervous about my two Monday finals. There will be no miraculous parting of the sky nor symphony of trumpets to welcome me to what is considered the best decade of one’s life. In all likelihood, I will wake up to partly cloudy 70° Los Angeles day and spend most of the it eating, sleeping, Facebooking, and wondering how to tackle this ridiculous amount of CS and EE material.

This week shapes up to be one of the most important and dramatic changes in my life. In the course of seven days, I will leave the teenage years behind, earn my status as an upper-division college student, move into my own apartment, and start work in the professional world. Just one week. I think it’s more psychologically intimidating than anything. But these statuses are just formalities, making one’s life seem (warning: math reference ahead) more discrete than continuous. Bobby and I reminisced about sophomore year in our Rieber Terrace penthouse dorm and wondered where all the time went. And although it’s hard to pinpoint the exact events over the year, I was constantly exposed to new changes, places, lifestyles, ideas, and relationships. Unfortunately, there’s no pause button along the way to stop and think. Even so, a rewind button is out of the question. While I still retain and will forever cherish those teenage memories, it’s hardest to believe that adolescence is no longer. Officially. Sometimes when I’m at home I’ll still forget that I’m in college, just like a couple years ago I couldn’t believe I was a high school senior.

For every birthday that I can remember, I felt like I had to own up to my new age. I had to act older, cooler, smarter, and more mature. But age is just a number. And class seniority is just a matter of units completed. And moving out of the dorm and into an apartment is, well, just another step similar to that from home living to dorm life. It seems like a lot of pressure, but the less I think about it and realize that I have been prepared and matured to accept the changes, it just becomes another turn in the road ahead.

I get ten hours before the eventual becomes real. 6/7/89 is such a great birthday but fades with every passing year. It’s daunting, no doubt, but to be honest I can’t hardly wait for all that the future holds. Time may never stand still, but I’ll be ready for it. I’m still me, still an 80′s baby.

Almost Est. in the 90′s
But I’m still a 80′s baby
Don’t even try it’s the way God made me
It’s the way God made me

Tyga – “Est. (80′s Baby)”

Growing up, my dad would tell me about the athletes we watched on TV and gave me an appreciation for the college sports scene. I learned that UCLA had several famous alumni in the pros, but never had a real appreciation for the school’s athletic significance, not just in terms of championships won but its history and tradition. And closer to home, UCLA’s influence on my dad’s appreciation for sports when he was my age. Jackie Robinson played baseball here before becoming the first African-American in Major League Baseball and being inducted to the Hall of Fame. Mike Powell broke a 23 year-old record when he long-jumped 29′ 4.5″ in 1991 – a record that still stands today. He is now our women’s jump coach and my dad and I had the chance to meet him last year. Lew Alcindor was so dominant in college basketball that the dunk was banned because of him after the 1967 season, the first of three consecutive national championship seasons during his three years on the team (freshmen were ineligible to play). He then went on the be the most prolific scorer in the history of the NBA. John Wooden won 10 national titles as UCLA’s coach and is considered the greatest mentor of the 20th century for his philosophies on basketball and life. Little did I know that these sports heroes my dad had grown up admiring and even watching in person were all Bruins.

Working for Blue & Gold is as much of a trip down memory lane as it is a great opportunity to help build a program I had once passively admired. I still can’t get over all the athletes that can proudly call UCLA their alma mater – that and the chance to help bring the next 100 titles to Westwood. Last weekend I worked at the men’s volleyball end-of-year banquet and had the pleasure of meeting coach Al Scates. A bit of history to explain: When my dad lived in Santa Monica during the 1970′s, he once played beach volleyball with then-eighth-grader Karch Kiraly. He told me this story when we were at Santa Monica some years ago, about how this unknown but talented kid with a funny name went to play at nearby UCLA and then to the Olympics as a professional. At UCLA he was a concensus All-American all four years and won three national tiles here – under a coach who currently holds 19 national titles for the Bruins and is the winningest coach in NCAA volleyball (coach Scates). Wow, I thought, it seemed that UCLA was breeding ground for the best athletes and coaches the world has ever seen. And my impressions were right.

Back to last Saturday’s banquet. What made meeting coach Scates such an honor was recalling that perspective I once had of a man my dad made to seem a legend. And here I was years later, giving drink tickets to that same coach who won 19 national championships and was my dad’s idol when he moved out to LA during Scates’s most dominant decade. I think putting history into perspective makes the present all the more worthwhile. Anyways, I greeted coach Scates and asked what I could get him. He smiled and politely asked for five drink tickets (the alcoholic ones, and no, they weren’t all for him). As I got him his tickets I asked how he was doing. He gave me a big smile and without hesitating said, “I’m just happy to be here.” You know, in that lighthearted grandfatherly sort of way. I told him I was glad to hear it and congratulated him on another successful season and wished him luck in the future. He thanked me and went back to mingle with his players, Coronas in hand.

Later that week my dad called and I told him that I had the chance to meet Al Scates.  “Well he’s one of the people you get to meet when you’re down there. That’s what makes going to UCLA so special” he said on my walk back from class. These are the sort of things that I wish more people understood about me and about our school – there is an unprecedented history and current program here and I don’t sport my school’s clothes because I have nothing better to wear. I’m very proud to be a Bruin. Last week I earned a UCLA athletics backpack for working a year with Blue & Gold, and wearing it around campus I have yet another reminder of my involvement in the world’s greatest athletic tradition. And I’m sticking to it. Win or lose, my mentality is now best put by the world’s best volleyball coach: “I’m just happy to be here.”

This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent reason to remember the name

Fort Minor – “Remember the Name”

Now I’m not exactly what you would call a mama’s boy, but she was actually surprised that I called yesterday. While my friends were sending home bouquets of flowers or flying home to take their mothers out to dinner, my mom was impressed that I merely remembered the date. This can only mean one of two things: a) my mom doesn’t need superficial gifts or anything extraordinary to remind her that I care, or b) she expects that I, the rebel son, would forget because I’m “too busy with school” to remember. Really now, does she think I could be so heartless? Kanye would have a few words to say about that one.

She does like hearing about what I’m up to, and this weekend was an eventful one. Spring Sing was just as good as last year, especially with the venue change to Pauley. Being there reminded me of basketball season and even made me a little sad, but Steven and I dubbed over the announcer to pretend we were witnessing the greatest UCLA basketball spectable Pauley had ever held. I still can’t believe how much effort goes into that production, especially with the Company performing every few minutes and airing soon-to-be Youtube hits between acts. The talent speaks for itself. What makes Spring Sing so unique, in my opinion, is that almost all of the serious performers go on to have successful careers in the music industry. I even saw my buddy Russell lead sing for the Scattertones and was amazed at how quickly he had developed into a very good singer and performer.

It went without saying that Julie Andrews’ presence for the Gershwin Award was the highlight of the night. At 73 years old, she looks and acts like a woman at least 30 years younger. Here was the lady that our generation had grown up admiring on the big screen in our very own Pauley Pavilion and speaking highly of our school. She told her story of moving from London to New York, then following Walt Disney to Los Angeles where her daughter attended UCLA’s elementary school. That was in 1962, the year that Pauley Pavilion was finished. “So…this is the house you built for John Wooden” she opened. “But now I understand there are plans to enlarge and upgrade this Pauley Pavilion, and I think I know the reason why…the real reason why. You need a place to display the next hundred NCAA championships.” Wow, if there was anyone who was surprised by that introduction, it was definitely me. Miss Andrews continued with her career in and admiration for the arts, and just when I thought she was going to end her speech with some famous quote, she surprised me once again: “Thank you so much for bringing joy to my life. So go Bruins, beat ‘SC…” to the deafening applause of several thousand star-struck Bruins. Mary Poppins just moved up in my book.

Saturday was just as great, if not better. At first I thought Jenn’s idea of “Prom” would be difficult to pull together, but it turned out to be a lot of fun. I can’t believe it had been two years since high school prom. About twenty of us got to relive the experience, donning the nicest suits and dresses we had and partnering up for the sake of tradition. Earlier that week I was completely fooled into visiting 8th floor while Lynn went in through my suitemates’ room to leave a note in my room. When I got back, I noticed a paper zebra and prom proposal on my desk. I don’t usually say this, but it was actually really cute. We named the zebra Jack. I had a great time with my date and friends – a little too much fun, if you have seen the Facebook pictures. I wish we could have extended the party into the morning, but our magical day ended before midnight. I’m sure we will do it again “When the stars align…”

Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, yesterday I watched our women’s water polo team beat USC 5-4 in the national championship. I was glued to the TV during that nail-biting second half. A game with those stakes is like life or death for me. So Happy Mother’s Day, mom. You’ll be glad to know I called right after we clinched #104.

Why does she be so mad at me for?
Homie, I don’t know, she’s hot and cold
I won’t stop, won’t mess my groove up
‘Cause I already know how this thing go

You run and tell your friends that you’re leavin’ me
They say that they don’t see what you see in me
You wait a couple months then you gon’ see
You’ll never find nobody better than me

Kanye West – “Heartless”

Yesterday I walked through Sproul turnaround and reminisced about freshman orientation. Dad dropped me off right there almost two years ago and, for the first time in my life, I wasn’t a bit nervous about this dramatic change of scenery. I remember seeing Bobby and Tatiana there waiting for me, both of whom are still very good friends to this day. I guess having that comfort level from the very beginning kept me from catching a case of homesickness, a condition notorious for targeting kids away from home. Homesick. That’s a word that never crossed my mind from that day forward. For better or for worse, I was ecstatic to be living my own life. There were many pressures and responsibilities that I thought would eventually bring me down, but where many of my friends felt uncomfortable, I thrived.

For the past two years, there was still that security of having a dorm to live in, dining halls to keep us fed, parents to pay our room and board, and even the blissful ignorance that the real world was too far away to be a real worry. I know the next chapter will be a test of independence, and I hope it will be as much exciting as it is challenging.

I sort of lucked out with the whole apartment search when Josh asked if Marcus and I wanted to take a room in his place next year. I’m also lucky to be moving off campus with a great group of guys and to have a lot of other friends living in Westwood. I signed the lease and marked a completely new chapter. From here on out, I’m on my own. I even got so caught up in wanting to start next year so soon that I forgot about being home for the summer. It would probably be the last summer at home before, well, being on my own for good.

Remember how I said that living my own life was “for better or for worse”? There’s a reason I say that, because usually I feel guilty when I would rather be away than at home. The reality is that it comes at a price that my parents have to pay. Literally and figuratively, I suppose. In all honesty, other than the occasional weekend visit, I feel uncomfortable living at home. It’s nothing personal against my family or my best friends back in Millbrae (I’d give anything for them to be in LA with me), but the idea of going back to the way it used to be – especially when you’re comfortably on the outside looking in – is tough to swallow.

Fortunately (“for better or for worse”) I never had to worry about moving back for the summer since I was unexpectedly offered a summer internship with Amgen in Thousand Oaks. Funny how things work out that way. It came as a pleasant surprise, but will no doubt be an early crash course in living on my own. Only this time, it’s for real. No magically-refilling kitchen or familiar roommates. It’s a whole new world of colleagues, forty hour weeks and a new place to call home. Not exactly the way I thought apartment life would begin, but for what it’s worth, I can’t wait for June 13th. It’s the promise of independence that makes life that much more enjoyable.

We come to life when first class takes flight
Only sing the lines that make you press rewind
Even dealing with electric, i think that he regrets in now
Heart in light, dying love
Everything looks better from above
You say it’s getting old but i call it vintage love now
Don’t regret it now

At a human’s price
Trying to live that life/can’t slow down
Don’t regret it now
Determined by that dice, you only roll twice
You broke now
Don’t regret it now

Tyga – “Don’t Regret It Now”

I’m not really a grade-oriented person. I mean, I worked very hard in high school so one day I could attend UCLA and it has since been the most gratifying accomplishment of my life. And yes, grades played a major role in that achievement. But something tells me that, at least in college, it doesn’t seem worth it to sacrifice so much time, energy, and stress for a tiny number that quantifies your four years here as a student. I don’t mean to bitterly burn my bridge to academia because of not-so-stellar grades, just to point out that grades are far from the most important qualifier of one’s accomplishments.

Back to class. They should have just asked us to sit in order by GPA and speak to one third of the classroom while the rest of us consider a change of major to north campus. It’s easy to feel like you’re being talked down to when you realize a 3.5 is probably not going to happen anytime soon – but in a system where the average grade is a B- and everyone is unbelievably bright, you start to thank your lucky stars to even be seated amongst such high-achieving individuals. That half hour just added a bit of insult to injury when I realized that, even if I wanted to join their society, I didn’t stand a chance.

I’m still really optimistic about all of that job-searching stuff, although the speakers sure did make it seem like their group was the be-all and end-all of highly sought-after careers in computer science. They all boasted impressive resumes that included research, professional networking, and competitive internships. The only thing I found refreshing was that the chapter’s founder mentioned she interviewed at Facebook and implied she was denied the position (since I also made it to second rounds there but wasn’t offered a summer internship). That was a relief. At least someone in that group is human.

I’m sure many of us walking out of Boelter 3400 this afternoon felt the same sense of reality, the authentic “I’m just not good enough” feeling. It’s a difficult idea to accept, especially for a group of students who were all among the top few percent of high school graduates. For the first time in our lives, grades are actually preventing us from opportunities such as those available to UPE members. So they led us to believe. I couldn’t help but to imagine what social or extracurricular lives (or lack thereof) they led. And God bless them, they’re doing very well for themselves and seem to be enjoying every minute of it. But I know that if I stood in front of them and spoke about the opportunites I have had and will have in the future, they would probably feel that same sense of sentimental disappointment. As tempting as it seems, you really can’t have it all. Stick to what you to best and success will find you when least expected.

The truth is…I don’t stand a chance
Its something that you’re born into…
And I just don’t belong…
No I don’t – I’m just a no class, beat down fool
And I will always be that way
I might as well enjoy my life
And watch the stars play

Weezer – “Beverly Hills”

After last spring, I vowed to never put myself through such a hellacious schedule – which included four very difficult classes and a huge time commitment shadowing the Marketing Manager during our end-of-year marketing/distribution. There’s a reason that “sophomore” roughly translates to “a wise fool”. Another year into college life and already I felt like I could take on the world. To keep a long story short, I now have the pleasure of taking six classes, the honor of being this year’s Marketing Manager, and the enjoyment of a second job with the Athletic Department. I know it sounds sarcastic, but I really do enjoy every minute of it. And at this breakneck pace, a minute goes by unbelievably quickly.

Sometimes I have to literally stop and think about it all. On the rare chance I get to catch a bit of free time during this quarter, I’m usually contemplating the ridiculousness of it all. Thankfully it’s nothing I would give up for the world. Through the good and the bad, I tend to attribute my enjoyment of it all to this attempt to take on life at full speed. And life in the fast lane is much more bearable if you have a purpose. Don’t lose your purpose, and you won’t lose your cool.

To be perfectly honest, I don’t know how I handle it. That isn’t to say I can do everything perfectly and with a smile, but I have my priorities and stick to them. Last week my family visited because my sister is touring the UC’s  – I still can’t believe she’s already a junior in high school and will be, in only a short matter of time, a college girl. It’s always interesting when my dad visits because more than anyone else in the world, he can get me to stop and make sense of what I’m really doing. And what I’m doing, as I told him, is along the lines of this schedule:

CS 180 homeworks, quizzes (both weekly) and quarterly projects. CS M152A prelab and lab (weekly). CS 101 quarterly projects and presentation. Math 61 weekly homeworks and biweekly quizzes. Physics 4BL weekly labs. EE 1 weekly homework assignments. Thankfully to break the academic tedium, that list doesn’t include my midterm and finals schedule, nor does it include BruinLife (up to 20 hours a week) or Blue & Gold (up to 4 hours a week plus weekend events) commitments. But I would rather look at this as a reason to smile this summer than a reason to frown this spring. And that keeps me sane.

Funny thing is, my dad almost expects that I go beyond my own limits. As much as it pains me to take advice from my father at face value, his words are a picture-perfect reflection of my uncluttered conscience. In short, what he tells me is exactly what I tell myself, except with with a composure that makes it hard to ignore. I’m just like him – and to a certain extent am proud of it – in the sense that we’re too ambitious for our own good. From time to time he reminds me of the things which I tend to forget, and I really appreciate that. Here’s part of an email he sent me after my family got back from their roadtrip:

I’ve been thinking about what you said recently and how you acted when we saw you last week. That is, you considered school to be a “grind,” and you were less than friendly when we saw you. Believe me, I know about “grinds,” from my own undergraduate days (working 20-30 hours per week) to my career here at the firm. But, I believe you can get yourself in the right mindset if you remember 1) that many, many others have been (and are) in your shoes, so you’re not alone in working hard and 2) that all your hard work will, without a doubt, pay off, in whatever fashion is important to you – a meaningful career, great pay, etc.

I have always been proud of everything that you’ve done in your life, and will continue to feel that pride in all that you will do. Because we are all high achievers, we will, at times, feel that life is a “grind” – but we are smart enough, and tough enough, to work through those feelings, and continue on the road to success!

Little reminders like these are what keep me going, what keep me from giving up, and what keep me unfazed when friends and strangers alike tell me I’m crazy. I wouldn’t call myself crazy – “a wise fool” would do me more justice. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’d have to be super human
Made out of stone, made out of steel
To not feel what I’m feeling
To not love you baby, love you baby
I’d have to have the strength of 10 men
To ever resist a love strong as this
To not care like I do
I’d have to be, have to be super human

Ginuwine – “Superhuman”

Yesterday I took a much-needed trip to Santa Monica beach with floor friends and our two awesome RA’s. It was easy to feel carefree about the six classes worth of homework and projects and tests for this week. Not so easy to forget were the more serious time-sensitive things going on back in Westwood. I love the beach though, it’s a great escape. Sunday was one of the most therapeutic days I can remember, and it was totally worth coming back to an entire night’s worth of work.

This weather is amazing. A lot of my friends (ahem, the Southern Californians) can’ t take it, but something about the hot sun and lazy feeling walking around campus is amazing. It’s hard to keep me down when it’s this nice out. Maybe I inhaled some secondhand smoke en route to class, but today was unusually amusing.

Anyways, my 4/20 is best summed up in the span of one hour. Jump to four o’clock EE discussion. I had already given up paying attention in EE lecture and the last thing I wanted was to sit through another hour-long reminder that I couldn’t understand the material to save my life. But whatever. I even sent my best friend back home a text at 4:20 to wish him a smoketacular day (read: I am not a pothead) just to keep from staring out the window. Then the fun begins.

4:36. Out of nowhere, this kid in the front of class jolts awake, hits his desk and semi-shouts “oh fuck!” mid-discussion. Everyone stops and our TA (completely shocked) asks if he is okay. Disillusioned, the kid gasps and says a shark was trying to eat him. Yeah, that just happened. My TA probably did all he could to keep a straight face and continue working on the board. I seriously wish I had someone to share that laugh with, but people are too mature in college to find the humor in that. Regardless, I had to bite down to keep from laughing and did so for the next 15 minutes. Absolutely hilarious.

4:55. I’m in the student store checking out a greeting card when some girl walks up right next to me, picks up a random card, and immediately laughs out loud when she opens it. It was such an out-of-place action that I couldn’t hold back laughter, so I spun around her and walked away. I laughed my way down the isle to the checkout counter. I think I pissed off the girl there because I couldn’t keep a straight face when she asked if I wanted my receipt. Read: I don’t smoke.

5:01. I’m keeping my cool on Bruin Walk to the tune of the university chimes. Some guy walking next to me shouts “oh hey!” and waves to a group of girls passing on our left. Completely rejected. Nobody even notices him. I looked straight down and had to bite my cheeks down again because he could tell I was laughing. I couldn’t take it anymore and had to walk really fast. So sad, yet so funny.

5:04. At this point, I’m sure I look like an idiot laughing to myself intermittently past the IM fields. Something about a kid saying “oh fuck” in the middle of class and telling the TA that a shark was going to eat him…just priceless. A girl walking towards me must have caught on to my good spirits and stopped me to ask if I was interested in studying the Bible. Granted, I give her a lot of credit for doing her thing, and granted, I spent thirteen years in Catholic school. But really, if she had approached any one of the hundred people before or after me, I wouldn’t have thought it was so random. But apparently I stand out as the one person who needs Biblical guidance.

5:06. I could have sworn I spotted a rottweiler in my peripherals, turns out it was just Reza. That didn’t keep him from attacking me like a dog, anyways.

5:10. Ah, today just wouldn’t be today without a few “Listen to Bob Marley” t-shirts. Like, three of them all in a row. I wonder if those guys knew each other…

5:11. I would say it’s random, but Jenn has been really nice to me lately. Plus, it’s hard to ignore an a charming unblinking smile and arms-wide-open embrace from the other end of Rieber Court. Jenn’s awesome, and so are her hugs.

5:14. Random days never end in the elevator. Fate would have it that Jerry would almost have the doors close on him and then awkwardly fit his bike into an already-crowded elevator. I then had the pleasure of walking behind my friend the floor bicyclist back to my room. All in a day’s work.

So that was my day – er, hour – in a nutshell. Over dinner I told my friends about the kid from discussion who thought he was being eaten by a shark. I replayed it so many times in my head. “Are you ok?” usually elicits a response along the lines of “yeah, sorry about that”. But really, “The shark was gonna eat me” has got to be up there with the best in-class responses of all time, 4/20 or not. Jessica and I laughed about that one so hard that my stomach hurt and eyes watered.

And that was my 4/20, high on life. Never a dull moment.

Here it is the groove slightly transformed
Just a bit of a break from the norm
Just a little somethin’ to break the monotony
Of all that hardcore dance that has gotten to be
A little bit out of control it’s cool to dance
But what about the groove that soothes that moves romance
Give me a soft subtle mix
And if ain’t broke then don’t try to fix it

DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince – “Summertime”